Self Improvement Daily Podcast

One of the biggest things keeping us from taking action on our dreams, goals, and ambitions is knowing how to do it. We can spend years in the uncertainty of what to do that we miss out on the progress we could have been making had we just gotten started. This goes for things as big as launching a new business, or as small as making healthy choices while traveling. 

When it comes to figuring things out, there’s really 3 paths forward: Ask for help, do some research, and give it a try.

Asking for help is probably the fastest way to figure something out. Someone who’s already been there and done that can provide real insight into what needs to be done. The problem is, we get in our own way and fail to ask for help enough.

We’re embarrassed that we don’t know how to do it… We don’t want to inconvenience someone else… We’re afraid to admit we don’t know what we’re doing… And it keeps us from tapping into the most helpful resource we have - the knowledge of other people. 

Doing research is a bit of a trap. We figure we’re being productive in figuring something out because we’re putting time into it, but it’s also a form of procrastination. It’s safer to prepare than it is to take action and risk failure. Many people get stuck researching too much and it keeps them busy doing something else that they don't actually getting anything done.

Which is why giving it a try is a great way to figure things out. This gives you real, hands-on feedback. Rather than debating the theory of what might happen, you get to observe what actually happens. With that newfound knowledge you are better positioned to make another better attempt, and slowly optimize your way forward.

It’s a silly example, but I was staying at my friend’s place in Austin, Texas and utilized all 3 of these methods to help me figure out how to make healthy choices. To have healthy food available, I researched the nearest grocery store and found one within walking distance. To get consistent workouts in, I needed to figure out where the onsite gym was. I could have put it off, but the first day I was there I went searching for it. I got the the floor of the apartment complex I thought it would be on (giving it a try), and had people point me in the right direction until I found it (asked for help).

The truth of it is,  we make up in our minds that something is going to be difficult, elaborate, or complicated. But once we get started in trying to figure it out, it quickly unfolds. What’s uncertain is often blown out of proportion. What’s known is more tangible and therefore, less overwhelming. So whatever it is for you that you’ve been putting off because it’s such a big project, or so unknown that you don’t know where to start, put some time into it and you’ll find it’s not as scary as you think.

Central to personal development is setting goals. A good goal helps you align your actions so that you make direct progress toward what you most want. The more objective the goal is with measurements, details, and timelines... The more effective because it acts as an even stronger filter.

But setting goals is different than achieving them. For years I was guilty of setting big, ambitious goals, but I didn’t have an action plan to put behind them. Once I learned that each goal needs strategies and tactics, that serve as the most likely path to realizing the goal, that's when I actually started achieving the goals I was setting and making progress in my life.

However, there’s more to it than that. Once you have your goals, strategies, and tactics, there’s still resistance. Even though we have our game plan it still seems like something is getting in the way and it causes us to not follow through.

This is where I want to introduce the concept of unspoken goals. Unspoken goals are the unconscious needs that you want to maintain in pursuit of your consciously selected goal. They’re the conditions your mind wants to make progress within, and oftentimes they come in direct competition with what you’re telling yourself you want. They’re ‘unspoken’ because a lot of the time we aren’t even aware that we have them, and they play a role without us even realizing it.

For example, let’s say you have a goal to double your business in the next year. The strategy is that you’re going to increase lead volume by posting on social media, and the tactic is to post a video on LinkedIn and Instagram 3 times a week. The ‘unspoken goal’, the unconscious need that influences how you show up for that, is that you don’t want to embarrass yourself or look stupid. 

Without conscious effort, your mind wants the ‘unspoken goal’ more than your business growth goal, and since you can’t have both, that’s the goal you get.

When you consciously want one thing but unconsciously want another that exists in direct opposition to the first... it’s called having ‘competing commitments’. As you can imagine, two commitments that are ‘in competition’ battle it out until one wins. In most cases, the ‘unspoken goal’, the unconscious need, usually wins.

This is part of the resistance we always feel anytime we’re pushing for something new. By definition, it’s going to be different from what’s familiar and comfortable, and our unconscious mind will always fight to maintain things as they are. But you are in control, and the people who can navigate the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that comes with growth are the ones who make the fastest progress.

If you want to understand this resistance I'm talking about and see how it works for yourself, I've made a whiteboard video that walks you through it. Click here to watch it!

Many people seem to think self-care is a luxury. That it’s something to be considered only after responsibilities in your work and at home with loved ones, to plug into the gaps of extra time you have in a day. Not only is it sad that they don’t think they’re well-being is more important than other things in their life, but they’re just flat out wrong.

I will die on the hill saying this: For high-performers... Self-care isn’t luxury, it’s leverage. It’s an output multiplier, and you can’t outperform your self-care.

It’s easy to make the mistake that taking care of yourself is a tradeoff. That time spent for yourself is time that you can’t spend doing other important things. And while that’s true when you think directly about time in a day, it’s not the full picture. Yes, one hour spent on exercise or mindfulness is one less hour available for work and loved ones...

But your productive output isn’t just a matter of quantity. The most critical consideration is quality.

Spending 8 hours of unfocused time at work is less valuable than 5 hours of highly focused work. A full evening with your family where you’re mentally checked out is way less valuable than a 30 minute dinner where you’re fully engaged and present. Which version of you do you think they'd want to get?

Those who are deprioritizing their self-care in order to spend more time on other things have created a ceiling for their performance. They are not allowing themselves to show up to life with more quality because they don’t have the energy, focus, and presence they need to do better. So they reach their upper limit, plateau, and can’t perform beyond it.

But when you take care of yourself, you level up your energetic capacity. Exercise makes you feel revitalized and peppy. Mindfulness clears your mind and alleviates stress. Proper sleep keeps you from dragging all day. A healthy diet fuels your body and mind. You infuse more quality in your life when you take care of yourself, which brings multiples of benefits in every area of your life.

So if you’re a high-performing business person with a lot on your plate, feeling like you’re at capacity, I’d encourage you to carve out more time for yourself. You’d be surprised to see how good you feel, how you get more done in the day, how you do more of the right things, and unlock your next level of output in every area of your life. 

This isn’t something that’s "just a good idea but not feasible’".. This is how it works!

And if you want some help making your self-care a true priority, so that you unlock your fullest potential in work and life, then sign up for the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge. It’s the best way I know how to support you with exactly that.

As someone who’s ambitious and wants to have a meaningful impact on the world, I often look to other people who’ve done exactly that. People who’ve made a name for themselves, reached the highest levels, and have achieved "every measure of success". Becoming someone like that is still one of my greatest sources of motivation (as flawed as it might be).

However, one of those people shared a perspective that completely rocked my world. Mark Manson, a best-selling author whose life is permanently changed because of the popularity of his work, talked about his experience with finding fame. And in particular, the unexpected experience that came with it. Manson said:

“Here’s what nobody tells you about achieving your dream: The next morning, you wake up without one.”

A dream fills you with energy and fuels you with enthusiasm in ways nothing else can. It’s the ultimate motivator that lights up your soul and brings out your best. I never paused to think about what life would be like if I didn’t have something like that driving me forward. That when you actually achieve your dream its pull on you goes away.

It begs the question, which life is better: A life where you’re working hard toward something that you believe in, or a life where you have everything you ever wanted?

Before I would’ve answered the latter. Everything you’ve ever wanted is everything you’ve ever wanted. What else could you want?

But as Manson illuminated, that’s just one factor among many. What might be more valuable is to have a strong sense of purpose in everything you do. That the allure of fulfilling your potential may be more satisfying than actually doing it. That joy and fulfillment is found in the process of becoming rather than being. That Tony Robbins was right when he said “Happiness is progress.”

If you’re lacking direction and motivation in your life, perhaps it’s because you don’t have a dream you’re chasing. It’s by pursuing a bigger vision for yourself that you force your personal evolution. When you find that thing that’s meaningful to you, it will fire you up to live at your next level.

And if you apply yourself and earn the success you’ve been chasing, be aware of what comes with not having a dream. The confusion, complacency, and emptiness of not having direction - even if you’re living what used to be a dream. Because beyond beings successful, people genuinely desire being in motion.

Many people who feel like they’re stuck, don’t have good habits, and aren’t disciplined enough to achieve their goals consider taking on Andy Frisella’s 75 Hard Challenge. 

To complete the challenge, every day without exception you need to do two 45 minute workouts, read 10 pages of a nonfiction book, follow a structured and clean diet, drink a gallon of water, and take a progress picture. And while it’s an extremely effective program, it achieves a certain result that is often different from what people want to get out of it.

What 75 Hard is really good for is proving something to yourself. If you’ve been low on confidence, feeling complacent, or fed up with being overweight, the 75 Hard Challenge is a great pattern interrupt. It requires that you take control of your life and reminds you that your choices are within your control. It’s by prioritizing these daily actions despite adversity, travel and life circumstances that you prove to yourself that you have what it takes to do what you said you were going to do. In that way, it’s extremely effective in reshaping your beliefs and reminding you of the power you have to be the person you want to be in the world. 

But for the far majority of people who take it on, 75 Hard is not a sustainable lifestyle. The level of rigidness that the challenge demands is impractical for real life. We’re often presented with situations where it’s reasonable to make exceptions to the rule. Again, proving that you are greater than life’s circumstances is the value of the challenge, but that comes at a real cost that most people are unwilling to pay forever. So naturally there’s a layer of discernment and choice that we all must navigate when it comes to balancing life, and that’s a skill that 75 Hard does not help you to develop.

And in terms of your transformation, it’s important to consider the nature of a challenge. A Challenge is a temporary pursuit with a fixed end date. In that pursuit is a certain environment where you’ve made a commitment to a certain level of follow through, and you’re holding yourself personally accountable to it. When the challenge ends and that environment fades away, they go back to their previous environment where they’re accustomed to making their previous choices. The same choices they were dissatisfied with, which caused them to take on the Challenge in the first place.

For example, let’s say someone has a tight transfer in the airport for a work trip. During 75 Hard they would make an effort to track down a salad for lunch. After 75 Hard, they don’t have the same commitment to eating healthy and are much more likely to select a more convenient option.

That’s why many people start 75 Hard to prove something to themselves, succeed in doing so, but then slowly slip back into the same bad habits, unhealthy balance, and old routines they used to have. There’s no continuation plan to make the intentionality, discipline, and true prioritization of their health that they built in the Challenge something that lasts. 

For many, the real intention people take on 75 Hard is to begin a new, healthier lifestyle. It's not just to have 75 healthy days. And the truth of it is, the challenge fails to offer that (other than providing a highly-committed and structured to it).

To address that for myself, I’ve created a system for that helps me hold myself accountable to a higher standard 365 days a year, stay disciplined and aware of my choices, and live with more intentionality. It takes only 5 minutes a day so it’s manageable to keep up with and creates the right environment to sustain my higher performance. If you want to check it out, I’ve got a video where I walk you through my Self Improvement Scorecard here!

If you didn’t know it, I’m a judgmental person in recovery. Of course it comes from a place of insecurity, and my need to 'feel good about myself' would cause me to find fault in others, draw comparisons, and criticize. It’d also convince me that I knew what was best for others, that their ignorance or lack of discipline was responsible for their shortcomings, and that their way of doing things was the wrong way.

I don’t blame myself for that because I was doing my best, and I know that I had really good intentions every step of the way. However, it made me want to help people see the fault in their ways and improve. Sometimes I wanted it for them more than they even wanted it themselves. 

That’s when I learned an important lesson: People are not projects.

People aren’t meant to be fixed by others - they’re meant to be supported, empowered, loved, and accepted. Your positive influence on them is meant to be the spark that lights their flame.

I have a great example of this actually with my wife Irene.

For months Irene was talking about wanting to get back in the habit of going for her morning walk. There were days where she’d snooze her wake up alarm, jump right into work, or do something else. I felt myself get agitated by it because I wanted her to become the healthier, more active version she saw for herself. And any time I offered to help ‘fix’ the problem it added pressure, took wind out of her sails, and made things harder for her to do.

Things shifted when I chose to accept Irene exactly as she is. I accepted that she knows when her body needs more sleep, or when it’s the right decision to get to work and manage stress much better than I do. Instead of pointing out all of the reasons why she was struggling, I celebrated her uniqueness.

Literally, every night in my Self Improvement Scorecard I would ask myself the question “What do I choose to accept about Irene today?”. I’d think through what about her choices made me the most frustrated, connected it to a positive quality that I admire about her, and reinforced the belief that I want her to be herself more than I wanted her to change.

I did that reflection enough times until I started to see her that way naturally. My energy toward her was less judgmental and more supportive. I laughed off and lovingly smiled at things that previously irritated me. And like magic, she started feeling comfortable asking for my advice and made fast progress in other areas of her health and life.

People are not projects and you get to play a role in supporting them. If that means they ask for your help, then help! But choosing to accept and love someone is the best thing you can do for them as they seek to introduce positive change in their life.

In a world where things are so loud and in your face trying to get your attention, it’s that much more important to listen. Because of that I’ve heard a lot of people talking about the difference between signal and noise. 

Noise is the chaotic overstimulation of everything in our modern life, and the signal is the specific frequency of sounds that’s most important for you to hear and pay attention to. Knowing the difference between signal and noise, and being able to listen for it, is an incredibly important skill.

Intuition and wisdom are signal. They’re small drops of gold in the sea of everything else. They’re most essential, yet, they’re the quietest. Which means we need to pay extra close attention to even hear it, and extract the value within it.

There are some life lessons that are ‘get hit over the head with a sledgehammer’ moments. Things that are impossible to ignore because they’re so significant. But more often than not, life wisdom comes as littler whispers of suggestion. 

It’s not what a mentor says to you, but what you feel about what they said as your body understands it. It’s not a line in a book, but the spark of an idea that comes from reading it as you interpret the words. The perspective someone offers you is their understanding of how things work and what’s meaningful. Within their sharing is the signal that’s meant to activate you in the most unique and personalized of ways.

Like a real whisper, you can only hear the whisper of wisdom when you get quiet and still. When you pull yourself out of the overstimulation of the world. For me this happens during meditation, prayer, workouts, in nature, and on airplanes. These are times when I’m unplugged and present with what’s around me. I realize the whispers are always there and I haven’t been in the right environment to hear them.

My favorite way of doing this is I’ve created a custom meditation for myself that I listen to. At the end of it, after insight into the choices I made yesterday and the plans I have for today, I ask one of my life heroes to give me some advice. I create the open space during meditation, and the wisdom fills it. It’s pretty remarkable. 

If you want to give that meditation a try, here it is! it’s only 10 minutes long but sets you up to have an incredible day.

In Sahil Bloom’s book “The 5 Types Of Wealth” he introduces us to the idea that is the “Deferred Happiness Plan”. It’s a narrative that many of us have bought into without thinking through what it actually means, or how likely it is to become true.

Have you ever heard someone say “I’ll be happy when…”

“When I get a promotion at work”… 

“When I buy a house I can settle down in”…

“When I lose 20 pounds”...

It’s attractive because it’s oriented around a goal, but it’s a trap because it implicitly gives you permission to delay or defer your happiness to a later date. It gives you an excuse to rationalize that your unhappiness or lack of fulfillment today is okay because it’s an investment in future joy.

While it’s true that we can create futures that are more desirable and enjoyable, and we should pursue that, we must be aware of the cost and the real probability that what you’re working toward will actually make you happy.

Tom Bilyeu once said “Success doesn’t change your insecurities. Most people look at somebody who’s successful with this admiration and they think that when I’m successful I’ll look at myself with the same admiration. All you have is this moment, success is not something in the future where you cross the finish line and feel forever the way you’ve wanted to feel. Success will feel exactly like this moment.”

Underlying the dissatisfaction we have for how things are is exactly what Tom described - a belief system that you bring with you wherever you go. It’s an unworthiness that shapes the way we view every life situation, no matter how much we think we want it. When we get there, it’s not as sweet as we thought it would be, or as meaningful, because it’s painted with a dissatisfied lens. 

If we’re choosing to sacrifice our happiness today as we’re building toward a more desirable future, while knowing that actually being happy when we get there is far from guaranteed, it’s probably not a trade that’s worth making. 

So what should you do instead? As cliche as it is and impossible as it might sound, choose happiness now. Find reasons to be grateful. Reframe your perspective sothat you enjoy your everyday experience. Because when you do that, you’re shifting the belief system you're operating from. You’re training your mind to be happy no matter where you are. 

The destination matters less than you think. What you actually want is how you expect you’ll feel when you get there. And the more reliable path to actually achieving that is to do the inner work, the mindset shift so that you view every day with more positivity, optimism, hope, and fulfillment.

As far as I’m aware, nothing will create that shift faster than daily gratitude journaling. Making yourself consciously slow down to see the good in the world, especially when you were blind to it in the moment, will help you begin to see it automatically.

Give it a try! What do you have to lose? 30 days just might change your life...

Now if you’re the type of person who struggles to be consistent with anything, and knows that being inconsistent is holding you back from experiencing the growth and success you know you’re capable of... Then check out the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge. It gives you the structure and organization you need to actually follow through on the things you know you need to do, consistently.

This is probably the nerdiest pet peeve you’ve ever heard. I don’t know if I’m just a stickler, someone who is extremely intentional and wants to represent things accurately, or somewhere in between… But there’s something people stay all the time that I just can’t stand.

When someone says they were going to do something or be somewhere, and they didn’t, sometimes they say “I just couldn’t do it”.

“I wanted to be at your birthday, but I just couldn’t be there because I was out of town.” 

“I was going to get a workout in before getting on the road, but I just couldn’t make it work.”

I understand that people can’t be in two places at once. I get that there’s a lot going on. But 99% of the time, saying they “couldn’t do it” is flat out wrong.  If they were considering doing it, it’s very likely they are capable of doing it, but they didn't because something got in the way.

What they should say is “I chose not to”... Because that’s really what happened.

It wasn’t that they couldn’t be at the birthday, they chose to be somewhere else. Or that they couldn’t exercise before leaving, but that they didn’t plan well enough to accommodate it. 

The truth is no one can make us do anything. We have complete free will. The challenge is that our free will exists within environments where there are consequences to our choices. So while we don’t choose exactly what we want, we can choose exactly what we do after taking all conditions into account.

This is often a hard way to deliver information. Telling someone you’re choosing to miss their big event seems harsh, so we give power to our circumstances. But don’t let that disconnect you from the internal agency you live with every day. 

There’s a layer of this that’s a social norm, and then there’s a layer that generates an internal interpretation that shapes your belief system. My point here is to not neglect the latter, and recognize that you aren't doing something because you’re choosing to do something else.

This makes us live hyper-intentionally. When we’re in the driver seat of our lives, we get to go wherever we want. If we let others’ desires and demands speak loudest, then we’re just on a track lying to ourselves that we’re in control just because we have our hands on the wheel.