Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Recently I’ve been really curious about Benjamin Franklin’s philosophies. As one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, his commentary on the fundamentals of life are timeless. One of his quotes that you’ve probably heard before is "By failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail."

This came to mind over the weekend. Not getting political, I had a conversation with a young woman who knocked on my door wanting to talk about a candidate that’s running for office this election cycle. Wanting to reward her for the courage she had to knock on strangers doors, my intention was to make this the best conversation she had all day.

Rather than listening to her script and sending her on her way, I wanted to ask her questions and give her a real opportunity to advocate

First I asked, “What’s your favorite part about this candidate’s position and what they hope to do for the community?” She didn’t really have an answer. Then I asked “Who are they running against?” and she didn’t know the opposition’s name, but in a fluster she shared some details about this candidate that I later found were misinformed. Clearly she was underprepared and in terms of her intention to persuade me to vote for her candidate, she failed.

But I’ll bet that the second she got out of eyesight, the first thing she did was Google who the opposing candidate is. And I bet she reflected a bit on why this is important to her, and reconnected with her reasons for investing her weekend talking to strangers about politics.

I don’t judge her. I’m proud of her! She’s in it! She’s learning! By putting herself out there and exposing herself to failure, she gained an awareness of her weaknesses and knows the areas she needs to be more prepared for. There’s no faster teacher than lived experience!

Beyond complimenting her on her courage to knock door to door, I wish I would’ve asked her if she has her own aspirations to get involved in politics. To have learned more about her rather than who she was speaking on behalf of.

But that’s okay! Lesson learned on my end - Now I’m more prepared to make the most of the next conversation I have with a stranger who knocks on my door!

Hey you! Yes, YOU reading this article - You’re a really great person. The fact that you’re investing time in this right now means that you genuinely care. (Cheesy but stay with me!)

You want to be a better version of yourself, and improve the way you show up in the world. And you want to inspire others to do the same so that they can also taste what it’s like to be happy, healthy, and contributing. You have so much to offer the world and you’re dedicated to making sure the world gets to see it rather than missing out on tapping into your fullest potential.

This isn’t something I’m just guessing to be true… I know it is. But sometimes it’s hard for us to see it for ourselves.

My friend David Terzibachian taught me this framework of how we’re all in our own picture frame. As a static image we can only see the things immediately around us in 2 dimensions. But someone else can see the corners and details of the picture that you can’t, and help you fill in the blindspots that are the gaps in your own understanding.

This is a really powerful concept and I imagine it’s something that will be central to Ed Mylett’s next book, which is in progress right now, with a working title “Let Me Tell You About You”.

Now here’s something I want you to ask yourself. What’s that thing that everyone notices about you? When people introduce you to others, or comment about your character, or describe you in subtle ways… Is there a theme to what comes up?

If so, it represents the energy you’re putting off to others. And if that’s the case, it’s something that is true to your core.

But maybe you have a hard time seeing it. Some examples for me: People say that I’m really consistent, and I agree with that! That’s something I’m very aware of.

People also say I’m really genuine and authentic. That’s something I am working hard on and is very important to me, but I don’t always see of myself, so it’s helpful feedback to know that maybe it’s more integrated than I give myself credit for.

What is it for you? Think about what people are saying in front of you, and also what they might be saying about you when you’re not there. And if you’re feeling really inspired to tap into this, ask the people who are closest to you directly - “When you think about me and how I show up in the world, what are the top 5 things that come to mind?”

In fact, you could send this article forward as an invitation to have someone reflect back their perspective on you!

We don’t have all the answers. Our awareness is limited. But in pursuing more awareness and being more informed about it all, we’re better positioned to be the person we’re capable of being.

Self-efficacy is a term that maybe you’ve heard before but the true meaning of it still might be hard to pinpoint. Self efficacy is “a person's belief in their ability to perform the actions needed to achieve specific goals”.

This ability takes two forms: First is that you have the freedom to do what you want (which is called agency), and second that you have the necessary skills or experience to pull it off.

In that way, self-efficacy connects closely with self-confidence. I define self-confidence as “as your sense of belief that you’ll be able to perform in uncertain circumstances”. It’s forecasting your ability into an undetermined future moment and believing that you have what it takes to rise to the occasion. And etymologically ‘confidence’ means “intense trust”, which fits in nicely to this concept as well.

Psychologist Albert Bandura outlined that there are 4 ways to cultivate self-efficacy:

1. Reflecting on your own past successes. If you’ve done it before and proven to yourself how capable you are, it’s reason to believe you can do it again. Having personal examples of times when you’ve overcome challenges boosts your sense of belief.
2. Reflecting on other people’s successes in similar areas. Guess what? Humans are human just like you! This means that if they managed to do it, you can too. When you use other people’s successes as evidence it’s possible rather than a point of comparison to diminish yourself, you start thinking that you can do it too.
3. Encouragement from someone else. When someone else sees the potential within you that you don't see, and has a belief in you that you don’t have, it’s inspiring. Our perspective is limited by our own awareness and exposure, and often we’re too in the weeds to see the big picture. Someone else who can pull you out of that, who reminds you of how great you are and how doable this is, goes a long way.
4. And last is taking care of your own energy. Our physiology drives our psychology. If you’re dehydrated, underslept, or haven’t exercised in a while, that’s certainly going to affect your baseline energetic state, which influences your thinking. When we feel better we play better. So simply taking care of your own health improves the thoughts connected to your self-belief.

The reason this all matters is because someone who has more self-efficacy is more likely to make bolder, confident, committed choices, that lead to improved actions and better results. Our lives are built from the inside out, and one of the core drivers is our own sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence.

Need support maximizing your potential so that you can live and extraordinary life and make an extraordinary impact? Check this out!

Our unconscious mind is constantly influencing everything we do - from the choices we make, the way we feel, and the meaning we assign to different events. Last week in the same day I was aware of two instances where my unconscious mind was shaping my life behind the scenes, one good and one not so good. I'd like to share both.

First, the not so good. Every day as part of my daily goal setting system I outline my goal for the day. It’s important to me that I do it because it’s one of the criteria I use to see if I “win the day”.

Explicitly written, the goal was to record two videos. But once I recorded the first, and it took longer than it should... And it wore me out more than I expected... I started to challenge my commitment to record the second. Thoughts like “It’s not as important as the first” and “They’re both similar enough, maybe I just use the first video for the same purposes as the second”.

My mind was trying to logically convince me to not do what I committed to, and in the moment it was compelling. But I knew in reflection I’d have a different opinion, so I chose to suck it up and do it anyway. I’m glad I did.

The other, empowering example happened when I was on a run. It was the same route I normally go on but as I reached a certain part of it, the road was closed because of construction. I run in a neighborhood so there weren’t that many other places to go.

I checked my timer and I had another 2 minutes to go before turning around and heading back. The first thought that came into my mind was “It’s only a few minutes, you can turn around early” but then my mind overruled it and said “No you committed to this full workout so you’re going to do this full workout.”

It took no effort on my part to convince myself to do a loop in a cul de sac and head back down a hill, only to retrace my steps once I hit the halfway point and began my way back. In this case my mindset prevented me from considering anything less than what I was expecting, even when unexpected circumstances came up.

The lesson in both of these stories is the same - Your thoughts need to be questioned. The unconscious mind influences your rational thinking in ways that you aren’t aware of, leading you to draw conclusions you otherwise wouldn’t have. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it’s not, but every time it’s there.

One of the most popular ways for businesses to align on their priorities and measure their performance is by establishing objectives and key results. Although the theory was initially created by a man named Andy Grove, it was one of his pupils John Doerr who really used these ideas to help companies like Google, leaders like Bono, and nonprofits like The Bill And Melinda Gates Foundation to succeed at the highest levels.

Objectives and key results serve as a roadmap to success. They are a mechanism to give you specific orders around what you want to achieve (objective) and what needs to happen to achieve it (key results). 

Going one layer deeper, objectives are more of an aspirational intention. They’re the mission at hand, the change you want to see in the world, that serves as a motivating rally cry for those who are working toward it. The key results are the specific, measurable milestones where you believe that in successfully hitting them, you fulfill the objective. 

The value to outlining it this way is that you get to define the game you’re playing. You get to make the rules and determine what success looks like.

An example used in John Doerr’s book “Measure What Matters” - If The Bill And Melinda Gates Foundations wants to reduce childhood mortality in developing countries (objective), then they need to Increase vaccination coverage from 80% to 90% in target regions, decrease the incidence of malaria by 30% in the next two years, and provide clean drinking water to 5 million more people (key results).

This mirrors the framework I learned from Jim Bunch that I like to use called “Goals, Strategies, and Tactics”. The goal is the overarching inspiring objective and the strategies are the key results. 

Now what’s important to mention is how in both cases, the strategy and key results are meant to orient your actions. It becomes a filter for you to pick the tactics that you think will most likely produce the key results you’re after. It keeps you focused on doing what will actually move the needle in making progress toward the change you want to see in the world.

That’s why you put all of this extra work in beforehand, it streamlines efficiency for everything else that’s to come. It’s taking carefully aligned action that really moves the world forward.

You’ve probably heard the expression “the fastest way to get what you want is to give it away first.”  This happens because of the ‘Law of Reciprocity’ which Robert Cialdini says is a primary principle of influence where we feel inclined to provide for those who have provided for us to create a mutual exchange. 

I had an experience this past weekend that confirmed this for me completely. I ran a Spartan Race, which was a 10k trail with 28 obstacles in between including sandbag carries, all sorts of swinging bars, tall nets, steep walls, and barbed wire crawls among other things.

Most people take on the race in groups but I signed up and showed up by myself.  I had a few interactions with people before the race, but largely I took on the course by myself. I knew that as I got tired and the obstacles got harder I would need support, and since I didn’t have a support system I decided I’d create one. And the way I did that was by having an intentional strategy to use the law of reciprocity in my favor.

Here’s how it went: As I passed people or they passed me, more often than not I would celebrate them with an enthusiastic and genuine “Great job!” More often than not, I would get a response back that was something like “Thanks! You’re doing great too!” 

Even though it was preempted, each time I got a small encouragement from other racers it gave me energy. It felt like a slight breeze on my back pushing me forward. Especially if I was passing them, I had more motivation to push myself and prove them right.

This is the law of reciprocity to a tee - The more you give something, the more likely you are to receive. If I introduce myself as Brian Ford, you’ll introduce yourself with your first and last name. If I ask you how I can support you, or make an introduction for you, you’ll ask about how you can support me and seek to make an introduction for me.  

In business there are networking groups that thrive on this concept. Generosity inspires generosity. You get out what you put in, and the more ways you find to offer value upfront the more rewarded with value you’ll be in the end.

I was on a call with Mark Kosoglow last week and we went down a psychology rabbit hole, talking about Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kehneman’s book “Thinking, Fast And Slow”. It reminded me how important it is that we understand that mind’s natural processes, both within ourselves and in working with others, to be as effective as possible.

“Thinking Fast” refers to the most primitive elements of our brain. He calls it System 1 Thinking that is reflexive and hyperattentive. This is the part of the brain designed to keep us alive and alert to any potential threats around us. While it’s effective at making split-second decisions, it’s also very vulnerable to bias and mistakes because it acts so fast and only uses the inputs of the present moment

“Thinking Slow” refers to the more advanced, developed, higher-level thinking we engage in on a daily basis. This is the thinking of the voice that’s in our head which is deliberate and thoughtful. But, it’s energy intensive and cannot be relied on for everything because there’s too much to process, so typical we reserve System 2 Thinking for complex problem solving, planning, and creativity.

Funny enough, I was given a perfect example to demonstrate the difference between the two immediately after getting off the call with Mark. I had some trash to throw out and unconsciously, thinking fast, I opened the cabinet where we keep our trash can. But it wasn’t there. 

Since something unexpected the unconscious pattern, I engaged in System 2 thinking, which went “Well if the trash can isn’t there, where would it be?” I remembered that I had pulled it out during our decluttering the night before and it as in the other room.

This happened a second, and a third time - Unconsciously opening the cabinet, remembering the trash had moved, and going into the other room to throw the trash out.

Our System 1, “Fast Thinking” is constantly on and running our lives without us realizing it. From the choices we make to the emotions we feel, we’re constantly reflexing to the stimuli around us.

But when we slow down to be more conscious of what’s happening and be more thoughtful of what we want, we initiate System 2 “Slow Thinking” and live more intentionally.