There are two great motivating factors in life - the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. These two forces govern what we feel like doing in conscious and unconscious ways. They both work, but the avoidance of pain has a much stronger influence. Understanding that, it serves us to get it working for us, which is what inspired today’s quote: “Let it hurt.”

Ironically, this is the opposite of avoiding pain. “Letting it hurt” is acknowledging, embracing, and allowing the pain to wash over you. Many people turn to substances, vices, and other outlets to make the pain stop or to distract themselves from confronting the painful reality they’re facing. But the pain is rich. There’s so much opportunity in it which only comes out when we choose to immerse ourselves in it.

Just as we’re motivated to avoid pain, we’re deeply impacted by experiencing it. Because it hurts, it makes you questions the systems, structures, strategies, and decisions that led to that point. The pain tells you that you did something wrong, and it brings radical awareness to everything that brought you to that point. Because it interrupts the pattern, it becomes a fuel source for sweeping transformation that is naturally done in an effort to avoid the pain in the future.

I had a profound moment of experiencing this personally, recently. There are certain aspects about my business that I’ve been avoiding. They’re truths I didn’t want to accept, so I acted like they didn’t exist. That is until I chose to ‘let it hurt’, and it created a space for me to get really honest with myself. It’s from this emotional state that I could really understand things that were working, things that weren't, and most importantly what I could do about it. 

And here’s the silver lining. Growth is inherently painful and an extraordinary life isn’t meant to come easy. But if the greatest joy we’ll experience is self-actualization, and a realization that we’re becoming all that we’re capable of, then the pain is an indicator that we’re on the path. 

It’s okay to get frustrated, emotional, discouraged, and to call into question what you thought was true. We’re all human. But in the name of personal growth, it takes the crucible that is these pointed moments of pain to birth our fullest potential. So let’s be committed to leaning in, learning from it, and keep moving forward!

Daniel Kahneman popularized the idea that there are two ways of thinking - Fast thinking and slow thinking. “Thinking Fast” refers to the most primitive elements of our brain that is reflexive, hyper-attentive, and unconscious. “Thinking Slow” refers to the more advanced, developed, higher-level thinking we engage in on a daily basis. 

The majority of the time our mind’s are operating out of fast thinking as a means to react to what’s around us and keep us safe. It’s only when that seems to be insufficient or incomplete that the mind enrolls more advanced thought to figure things out.

I had a basic, everyday, personal example of this earlier this week. I’m visiting family right now, staying away from home, and couldn’t find my water bottle. Unconsciously I looked in all the usual spots - by the bed, on the couch, at the desk -and couldn't find it anywhere. I even checked those same spots 3 times in a row, operating out of automatic, fast-thinking that was taking me unconsciously to the places it was most likely to be.

When all of that failed, my mind switched to slow thinking. I thought back to the last time I had it, retraced steps in my mind, and considered other places the bottle could have ended up. This prompted me to check the dishwasher, where I found it because someone else had put it there and washed it overnight. 

It was a powerful example of how the mind runs through two different types of thinking, and the threshold a problem needs to reach to trigger conscious thought. However, conscious thought is always available to us should we want to use it, and it’s by being more intentional about activating it that we can be more thoughtful.

So the takeaway here is - let's make a point to slow down more often for the things that are important to us. Our lives change when our thoughts change, and replacing the unconscious pattern with conscious thought has the potential to change everything. 

Tom Bilyeu, a wildly successful entrepreneur and the founder of Impact Theory, says that there is “one belief that matters,” and that is a belief that if you put time and effort into something that you’ll actually get better.  It’s an obvious truth but many people operate out of a different belief system, which leaves them vulnerable, victimized, and out of control. 

This foundational belief is synonymous with having a growth mindset. Carol Dweck popularized this in her book by the same name. But I’ve found that having a growth mindset is one of those things that is easy to talk about and much more difficult to execute, so I wanted to share my process for it.

The human mind cultivates beliefs through evidence. It takes the things you think, do, and experience and makes sense of it. It codifies everything unconsciously as a point of reference that informs you about how to keep yourself safe. This means that to genuinely cultivate a growth mindset, you need to find consistent evidence that you believe things can in fact get better.

What I do for this is complete a night time routine of personal performance tracking. Every day that I show up for my tracking, I’m reinforcing the belief that with time and effort things get better. Otherwise, why would I be doing it? And further, for the areas of my performance that I fall short of the standards I have for myself, I diagnose why. Each time it’s an extra action that provides more proof for the growth-minded belief.

Actions speak louder than words. I love the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote that goes  “Your actions speak so loud I can't hear what you say.” The same goes for your mind and belief system.

So to build a growth mindset, you need to consciously create moments of reflecting on your performance and identifying pathways to improvement. Do it enough times consciously until it becomes the unconscious pattern too.

If you want to build your growth mindset, so that you extract more lessons from setbacks and move forward more powerfully in your health, work, and life, check out the video I made about my Self Improvement Scorecard and it’ll give you some good and tangible ideas!

Life is full of trade offs, and we need to be really thoughtful about choosing what we want among the options that exist. And even though that’s a reality we must navigate, we also underestimate how we can creatively arrive at solutions that give us a little more of everything than is immediately apparent.

Ray Dalio, an incredible business mind and one of the wealthiest people in the world, built his career on this every idea. He says "Rather than seeing things as a ‘this or that’, how do we get as much of both as possible”? I want to apply this same concept to enjoying our lives and maximizing our contribution to the world, which led me to asking myself the question “How can I have fun and help others at the same time?”

They don’t need to be mutually exclusive. From the infinite amount of possibilities that exist in the world, there has to be one that is both fun and impactful. It’s just a matter of figuring out what that might be. 

In order to do that, first you need to be self-aware of what you enjoy doing. What activities pull you into flow and make you lose track of time? What things make your heart purr? Then with that awareness, how can you do that thing and also be helpful to others? What you enjoy doing can also be of service.

To show how doable this is, let me share a few examples:

If you have fun playing pickleball, what if you organized a fundraiser pickleball tournament to support a local nonprofit?

If you like knitting, what if you tell friends and family that you’ll help patch their clothes for them?

If you like riding dirt bikes, what if you made a community group for people to connect, or join one and give product recommendations to help people just getting started?

The more we can lean into doing things we enjoy, the better. And the more we can integrate ways to make a difference into our lives, the more fulfilled we’ll feel.

Good questions make you come up with good answers. We can control the direction of our thinking by controlling the inputs that our mind is tasked to think about. So have fun with it, make the space for creativity to come out, and don't’ accept things for how they are because you’re one idea away from having your cake and eating it too!

Recently I’ve been enjoying learning more about Florence Nightingale, a 19th century nurse who put herself in some of the most difficult conditions to take care of people who were sick and wounded. She’s known to be the founder of modern nursing, which only becomes more impressive when you learn that she for many years was afraid to reject the life that was expected of her and live out her calling.

It’s with that context that I’d like you to consider one of her most famous quotes: “Were there none who were discontented with what they have, the world would never reach anything better.”

It’s written in older English, and spoken in the negative, so let me state what I understood Nightingale said more directly - Growth and progress are only possible when you are unhappy with the status quo.

This is a complex topic to break down. I’m a huge advocate for being grateful for what you have and reframing life events so that you have a more positive perspective. There’s a lot of personal improvement in that. But what NIghtingale suggests here is a layer beyond that. We do not need to accept things for how they are, we can play a hand in creating things how we want them to be.

This is the difficult tension to find between appreciating what you have and still having ambitions for more. Are you truly grateful if you want more? Or settling for less than you're capable of if you’re content with what you have?

History’s greatest innovators saw the problems in the world as they existed and created solutions to those problems. Those who maximize their life push past the confines of the immediate to experience what lies beyond. There’s an element of chronic dissatisfaction that’s required to drive change, or else there would be no reason to change.

So I guess my point in sharing this is to recognize that there’s a spectrum to it. It’s obvious to reject the injustices we see in the world and want to be part of a better way, but it’s less obvious to make adjustments to the things that are already good enough. Perhaps this is a moment for you to pause and reflect on your life, and observe areas where you may be tolerating something that’s below the standard you want to have for yourself, or where you're allowing ‘good enough’ to fill up the space the deserves greatness.

At first you might disagree with this but please have an open-mind to consider it in the context I’m about to provide. I’m confident that will change. The perspective is that you shouldn’t do anything for free.

This doesn’t mean that you need to charge people money for everything you do. Conventionally when we think of doing things for “free” we see it through the lens of a transaction. But money is just one form of currency, a way to exchange value, and there are many other forms of currency you can utilize. 

But it also doesn’t mean that you need to be transactional and calculated about everything you do. That’s not being abundant and certainly not something that maximizes the impact you can have on the world. In fact I encourage you to be more generous with your time, energy, network, and resources than is comfortable for you. Even and especially when you have no plan to get anything in return. 

What I really mean is that you should never allow yourself to label what you give others as free. There’s an immense amount of value, experience, and intention put into what you share, and calling it “free” discredits all of that. It diminishes it down to nearly nothing.

When something is presented as free, that’s how others receive it. They value it less. This is exactly the opposite of the intention to maximize how helpful you can be. You’re giving it freely because you want it to be accessible and useful, you want it to influence and impact, but things that are free are simply undervalued.

That’s why you shouldn’t do anything for free - it belittles what you have to offer and sets it up to be fractionally impactful. 

So this is what I propose you do instead… Present what you’re providing for free as a gift that you’re giving. When you choose to give someone a gift, they don’t ‘owe’ you anything for it. But they receive it knowing the time, effort, and thought that went into it. They see the value in it because they know it’s valuable and you have chosen to cover the cost so that they can enjoy it at no cost.

Please be abundant, generous, unselfish and freely giving of your gifts and talents. But make sure they’re appreciated and valued so that they can go off and do the good in the world that they’re meant to!

As much as we’d like to get everything we ever want right when we want it, that’s not how life works. And it’s probably for the best because we learn so much more in the process than in the attainment. 

Life is going to throw some punches. We work hard for a long time and get overlooked for that promotion we genuinely feel like we earned. We experience a personal injury, or have a chronic condition that makes life physically painful. We have a new idea that we’re really excited about and the people you share it with shut it down, telling us that we can’t pull it off or it’s not going to work.  

When life dishes us discouraging, inspiration-draining moments, we start to feel bad for ourselves. And it’s in those moments where we need to build up the habit to get out and serve. This is something I learned from Tim Tebow who has a policy with a friend where he doesn’t make a dramatic response to adversity until he’s gone out to serve. And here’s why it works.

First, being of service to others makes things no longer about you. The offense that we feel and the injustice we received can linger in our minds forever. But when you go out with the intention to help others, you make your mind think about the well-being of someone else and it makes you think more objectively about your own.

That’s because of the second reason, which is that service provides perspective. We naturally want to play the comparison game, and when we go to serve people who need more help than we do, we realize that we don’t have it that bad. But more importantly, when you can reject the comparison game, you gain insight into the breadth of problems you could be facing. You gain insight into the sea of all that could be wrong, and how you’re only experiencing the tiniest sliver of it. It helps you scale down the perception of your problems.

And last, you get a natural helper’s high. Ultimately the best way to work through negative emotions is to begin to cultivate positive ones. And one of the fastest ways to positively reset your physiology is to go help others. So being of service helps your body override feelings of discouragement and replace them with feelings of hope.

That’s why there’s the expression “When you need help, get helpful.” The fastest way to get anything is to give it away.

And as for being of service, Martin Luther King Jr says “Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.” So let’s find a way to be great by being of service more often."

The human mind is designed to do primarily one thing: Keep us safe. It is vigilant about seeking to understand situations, details, and circumstances and how they might be impacting our safety. It’s this primary objective that is responsible for the scarcity mindset, negativity bias, and the natural inclination to be lazy that we must fight in pursuit of being our best self.

Central to this threat detection system is a dislike we all have for uncertainty. The reason being, if something is uncertain that means it’s inherently unpredictable. You don’t know what’s going to happen next and therefore, whatever it is could pose harm.  But it’s this resistance to uncertainty that keeps us in our comfort zone, living out familiar lives that produce familiar results. If we want to do something else we need to break the pattern.

The opposite of uncertainty is faith, surrender, and trust. It's a deep, intuitive knowing that whatever lies on the other side of uncertainty is what’s meant to happen. Difficulties are fuel for growth, opportunities are divinely planted, and all of it is part of a larger plan that is nearly impossible for us to understand.

Faith, surrender, and trust must happen consciously before they integrate unconsciously. You have to teach yourself to believe these things are true for them to become true. You surrender by accepting and allowing. You have faith by choosing to assign a positive meaning to life events. You trust that everything around you is perfectly placed to facilitate your personal evolution, even when it hurts.

Again, it’s the uncertainty of the situation that makes it all difficult to do. But the uncertainty is just a perception that you might be in harm’s way, and when you recognize that most of the things we worry about aren’t a matter of life or death, and that our worst fears are often unfounded, we can embrace surrender, faith, and trust more fully. 

To make the most basic elements of this thought more actionable, here’s an affirmation you can use the next time you start feeling resistance: “It’s true that I’m safe and secure, so I choose to accept the uncertainty in my life.”