Two Times I Set Boundaries Last Week

In a world that we share with over 8 billion people, I’ve got some news for you: Not everyone wants exactly the same thing.

Shocking... I know... But important because when people want different things, it creates conflict. That’s why one of the most important things for you to do to help protect what you want is to set boundaries.

In some ways, it is confrontational: You need to tell people to call you less often, call out their gossip, or change their plans. But that’s only in the more majorly interventional cases. More often than not, we have opportunities to set boundaries in really subtle ways that protect our day to day lives from outside influences.

Last week, I had two clear instances where I set boundaries, and they were times that the other person probably didn’t even realize I was doing it.

First, I was on a video call with a new connection. We were both excited to meet, and I could tell that based on where we were in the conversation, the call was going to go long. Knowing that I had another commitment I didn’t want to compromise, I said the quick line “By the way I have an appointment I need to get to, so I only have 10 minutes.” I communicated my needs and set a boundary for my time that this person respected.

Another time, I was at a friend's house and had a similar situation - we often get to chatting for a while. But I had other things I needed to get back to, a call on the books to get home for, and wanted to make sure I could do both. So I said to my friend “Hey just so you know I need to get out of here by 2:30”. The request was also respected.

It might be subtle, but notice what happened. I took action in such a way that I designed the environment for what I wanted. A simple line of communication altered the path of least resistance so that it was more likely for me to stay on schedule. Had I not said something, in either case it’s possible that the other person would go on and I’d have the difficult decision to either interrupt them or be late for my next commitment.

But instead, I set a subtle boundary that shaped the environment. It made what I wanted to happen much more likely to happen, and with way less resistance. So it did!

Hopefully that’s a helpful lesson, and an example for how you can be proactive about communicating your needs before it becomes an issue. Give it a try the next time you enter a situation that you’ve had difficulty navigating before.