Accept Yourself To Accept Others

This is coming at you from a judgmental person still in recovery. For most of my life I was really critical of others. I observed their choices, noticed their mistakes, and told myself internally that I knew better. 

Even though I didn’t say anything out loud, my judgment of others’ actions came out in my energy.  I could tell that I made people feel insecure and uncomfortable at times. They felt more defeated and spoke with more self-criticism when I was around, particularly in moments where they were making less responsible choices. 

I convinced myself that it was just the byproduct of me holding myself to a high standard, that I was a mirror that provided an opportunity for their reflection. And it was confusing because I wanted to be the type of person that makes others feel good about themselves. That after our interactions they’re more encouraged and inspired… But my ‘leading by example’ seemed to create the opposite. 

That’s when I got honest about it and realized what was going on. I had an unwillingness to accept others and their imperfections because I was unwilling to accept myself. When I fell short of my goals I wasn’t operating with encouragement, but with shame. When I made questionable choices I felt guilty about them. I was a mirror for others, but the reflection I was offering was one that revealed more self-criticism than self-empowerment.

So I got to work on accepting myself. I leaned into the expression “Either you win or you learn” so that I could genuinely find the good in failure. I shaped my gratitude journaling so that I found the silver lining in my hardships and shortcomings. And overtime I changed what I saw in the mirror, which meant that I changed what others saw when they looked at themselves through me.

The shift caused me more to be more raw, honest, and vulnerable, which gave others permission to do the same. I stopped putting up the protective front that I knew everything and let my guard down to reveal my weaknesses. My example started to model a fearless self acceptance, and I noticed people felt more positive about my interactions with them. 

It all started with me accepting myself, which unconsciously unlocked my ability to do the same for others.

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