What's Your Fruit In The World?

I was presented a challenging question by a friend and mentor, Markus Kallius. I’d like to answer that question and extend it to you:

What’s your fruit in the world?

The context comes from using the metaphor of a tree. The quality of a tree’s fruit depends on the quality of the tree. There are many things in life that can be contorted to look different than it actually is. But that’s not the case for fruit - Only a healthy tree can produce high-quality fruit, and a sick or malnourished tree can only produce undesirable, affected fruit.

So what are our fruits as humans? 

They go beyond just results because those are caught up in appearance and can be deceiving. What are the ways that we as humans express ourselves into the world that can’t be faked? Things that are pure and raw without any framing around it?

The first one that comes to mind is how we feel about ourselves. It’s hard to deceive our deepest intuition, and while we can put on an act for others, how we feel about ourselves in private is really telling of the quality of our person.

Reflecting on that for myself, I can look at my efforts with pride knowing that I’m trying hard. And while I do have insecurities and doubts, I’ve largely accepted them and don’t let them sink my self-esteem.

Your turn: How do you feel about yourself in private?

The second fruit that comes to mind is also an internal perception, but this time related to how authentically we’re living. How genuinely do you feel like you can be yourself?

For me, I feel like I’m the most myself around my wife, family, and close friends. I’ve had a history of not being completely honest about things for fear of what others would think about me, and I’ve made a lot of progress on that. 

Your turn: How authentically are you living?

And the last fruit that comes to mind is how connected others feel to us. Do they feel safe, supported, and seen? Are they asking for your advice and desiring your company?

This is harder to measure because you can’t get in someone else’s head and know for certain, but you can use past conversations and stressful situations as evidence. 

I do get a lot of requests for guidance, but that’s the space I’ve chosen to take up in the world. So that might not be as applicable for me. As it relates to quality time with others, I find myself seeking to make plans with others more than they ask me, but am confident in the quality of the connection when we do get together.

Your turn: How connected do you feel others are to you? 

Thinking back on the original question, “What’s your fruit in the world?”, I guess I have a different take on this… You’d think that our ‘fruit’ as humans would be what we put out into the world, but things aren’t always as they seem. I think our truest nature comes out in private, when there’s no performance and all we have left is ourselves.

It’s the part that others can’t really see. Maybe that’s why the expression goes “You’ve got to change the roots to change the fruits”.

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