What Happens Between B and D

I saw Jim Kwik speak at an event last weekend and he made a really profound point. Using the alphabet he asked us the question, “What happens between B and D?” We confidently responded “C”. We were a smart group.

He then asked “If B stands for Birth and D stands for Death, then what happens between B and D?” and to that we responded “Life”. But life doesn’t start with a “C”... So he clarified: “How you live your life is made up of all of the choices you make. The C stands for choices.”

Let’s slow down and think about that. What does it mean for your life to be made up of your choices? Everything you do, see, think, and believe is preceded by a choice. It means that at any moment you can make a new choice and change your life. 

The problem is, we’re not always aware of the choices we’re making. In fact only a small fraction of the time we are. So the choices we make unconsciously really run the show and determine what it is we experience in life. Our belief system automatically takes in life events and makes meaning out of them. Triggers in our environment cue us to take action on things habitually. Other people take actions that influence us and we reflexively react to them. 

So if you want to improve your life, you need to improve these unconscious processes: To strengthen your mindset so that you see life with hope and opportunity… To fill your environment with positive reminders that lead you in powerful ways… To set better boundaries and expectations with others so that their influence is aligned with what you want.

If you don’t change what you choose then your life won’t change. But when you choose to take ownership of your life and do something different, your life becomes different. 

When I realized that the world operates off of the law of cause and effect, and that we were capable of choosing what goes in and shaping what comes out, I discovered that I have agency. Not only is the future undetermined, but it’s fragile. You can choose to do the most inconsequential thing today that radically shifts your life. You can also choose to do something radically disruptive. 

What you want out of life is not out of your control. It’s the byproduct of your choices. 

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