The Deeper Discovery Behind My Friend’s Profanity

I was playing pickleball with some friends, one of whom is really good, and he couldn’t be beaten! This caused one of my other friends to get frustrated. When she hit a bad shot or saw an unreturnable ball whizz past her, she would get upset and in a few instances, use profane language.

One of those times she apologized afterwards and asked “I’m sorry, do you have any issues with me swearing? I can try not to if so.”

It was really kind and thoughtful of her to ask. I appreciated her concern and  told her that I didn’t have an issue with it, and we continued along. In reflecting on it all, I discovered that’s only part of the truth, the full picture is much more powerful.

In response I had two options: To have an issue with her profanity and request she change her behavior, or not. Like I said I genuinely don’t have a problem with it… But what if I did? 

That’s where things get interesting, and it comes down to this:

I would want her to feel like she can be her most authentic self more than I want her to abide by my preferences.

I don’t want someone to feel like they need to be someone else when they’re around me. That subtly creates distance and weakens the connection. I want to be the type of person who accepts others and meets them where they’re at. To be a person that others feel like they can be themselves around without judgment or criticism.

This is really tricky, though, and maybe you can relate to this. I’m the type of person who holds myself to a high standard and prioritizes a certain quality of positive choices. When I’m me around others, it acts as a mirror that makes them see their choices for what they are. 

For some people it inspires them to be better, but it makes others feel threatened and insecure. It’s just the realty of choosing to be someone who takes themselves (and their potential) seriously.

And just like I want others to feel like they can be themselves around me, I want to feel like I can be my authentic self around them - high standards and all. When it comes to values, there are few things more important than that. And I believe it’s best for all people involved!

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