Learning To Trust My Good Intentions

One of my biggest fears is that deep down, I don’t have good intentions. If we’ve met or you’ve been following along on my journey, you probably know how committed I am to making the world a better place. As good as that sounds, I worry that all of that is a facade, a front where I act like I care about others but am hiding the fact that I only care about myself.

Here are a few ways this shows up: 

When I make an introduction for them, I quietly convince myself I didn’t do it out of abundance and that there’s something in it for me…

When people mention how inspired they are about a fundraiser or campaign I’m leading, I don’t accept the compliment occupied with how it feels good to be validated by the praise…

When I deny dessert or make a healthy choice, I sometimes internalize it as virtue-signaling or being performative rather than confidently doing the thing that most serves me…

As you can tell, this is really personal for me and runs very deep. 

Fortunately I have many good friends who call me out on this nonsense. They see me not only for what I do, but also for who I am. I rationalize that they aren’t inside my head or know my thoughts and that they don’t have the full picture… But I’ve been corrected enough times that I’m starting to believe that they’re right and I’m wrong.

The direction of my growth these days is learning to trust my good intentions. Instead of minimizing who I am and the purpose behind what I do, I’m prepared to defend myself and my reasons for being who I am.

The truth of it is, my reality is what I choose to believe. I could be this person who reframes all of the positive I do in the world as selfish… Or I could humbly give myself credit for the man that I am.

We’ve all got our stuff and that’s what makes us human! I’m grateful we get to share in this journey alongside each other.

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