It's Not Selfish To Put Yourself First

Recently I’ve been having an issue with the word ‘selfish’. It has a negative connotation that assumes anything you do for yourself comes at a cost for others, which makes it a bad thing to do.

Logically I know this isn’t always the case. Prioritizing yourself, and taking care of your own needs is one of the best things you can do for others because it allows you to show up with more kindness, compassion, and ability to support. It’s the classic example of putting your own oxygen mask on before assisting anyone else.

But there isn’t a good word for what I’m describing, an additive expression of being selfish. ‘Self-serving’ suggests that whatever you’re doing comes at someone else’s expense… ‘Self-help’ has gotten really complicated and often is associated with recovery…

Anyway, the point I’m getting at, and the insight I heard from Humble The Poet on Ed Mylett’s podcast is: “It’s not selfish to put yourself first”.

And I think he means this not just in ways that end up being additive, but even in ways that cause some inconvenience or come at some small consequence to others. It’s a soft encouragement that it’s okay to prioritize doing things that benefit you because you’re worthy of it.

Let’s connect this to the concept of helping others. It’s noble to want to improve other people’s lives, to contribute to their well-being, and be a positive influence and supporter of their future. In fact we should all aim to be more like that! But what this cannot neglect is that you are a person too. That you are deserving of your own help and take action to contribute to your own well-being. We don’t think of helping ourselves as making an impact… But it is.

And Humble’s arguing not only does it make an impact, but it’s the biggest impact we can have in the world! Which is why the full quote he shared actually goes: “It’s not selfish to put yourself first, it’s selfish to expect others to put you first.”

If we each took the responsibility of taking care of ourselves first, there would be less need to help each other. 

Now I’m not saying that we need to be selfish by all means necessary, but that taking care of ourselves is inherently additive. It’s beneficial to others, to the world, and our ability to impact it. 

So first and foremost, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Change your life then change the world.

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