Ask Better Questions

So many people are looking for answers. They want to know what’s going to work for them to finally lose the weight they’ve been carrying for too long. They want to pick a strategy in their business that they know is going to get them to the next level. They want to do that one thing that will make their relationship with their spouse or kids better than ever. 

In an effort to uncover that missing golden nugget, people pour themselves into books, podcasts, TedTalks, and all forms of consumption. They figure that someone else has the answer they’re looking for. But what they neglect to realize is that the reason they don’t have a satisfactory answer is because they’re asking the wrong question.

Thinking is just Q&A. Answers come in response to the curiosities that are presented in questions. This means that questions preempt answers, and if you don’t like the quality of the answer you’re giving, you should probably ask a better, more specific, higher-quality question.

Every day as part of my Daily Check In I ask myself a series of questions that connect to my goals and the person that I want to be. Over time I’ve improved those questions so that they’re more potent and prompt better answers that ultimately generate better results.

For example, I want to have a great relationship with my wife. But instead of reflecting on the question “How’s my relationship with my wife?” which prompts answers like “Good”, “Bad”, or “Okay”... I ask the question "What's the one thing I can do tomorrow to make Irene feel extra special and loved?” Answering it gives me something specific I can do to elevate my relationship.

Or Instead of asking “How was my diet today?” which prompts an open-ended and unstructured response, I ask “What’s the one better choice I could have made to have eaten healthier today?” It’s way more actionable and gives me insight into how I can actually change the result, and not just be aware of it. 

Tony Robbins is known for saying “The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself” and it’s for this exact reason - your internal experience is driven by your thoughts, and the majority of those thoughts are prompted by internal questioning.

Your mindset is just your patterned way of thinking. Your thinking is guided by the questions you ask yourself. So if you want to change your mindset, start by changing your questions. Better questions create better thoughts. Better thoughts create better actions. Better actions create a better life.

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