Are You Giving Yourself Space To Be Yourself?

Here’s something that rocked me and is turning my world upside down. I was chatting with my good friend David about life, relationships, dreams, and self-awareness. Something unexpected surfaced. He asked me why my wife Irene loves me and after a few obvious answers, I continued to say “Because I give her space to be herself”. 

After saying it, I paused. I wondered… “Am giving myself space to be myself?”

For many years I’ve built a certain persona and perception. An identity if you will. I’m a high performer who holds himself to a high standard. This means that when everyone’s having dessert or a drink, I’m not. When people want to go out and party, I go home and get a good night’s rest. When spontaneous plans pop up in the middle of the week, I make sure I cover my commitments before choosing to be a part of them. 

On one hand this is great in helping me to be fit, well-connected, influential, and successful in many people’s eyes. But is that who I am at my core? I don’t know that I’ve given myself enough space to do anything else to find out. 

My current way of doing things, behaving in ways that others know me to be, is comfortable. It’s easier to maintain who I am now than it is to experiment with who I might actually be. On the rare occasions when I do indulge in a meal or have a few drinks or stay up late on a spontaneous adventure… I’m quick to criticize myself and judge it as wrong.

But I’m intrigued to explore it because it’s the root of the way that I receive others. I can’t fully love and accept others for who they are if I haven’t fully accepted who I am. The only reason I have opinions of others is because I still hold opinions about myself. And that’s something I really want to improve.

We are all mirrors to each other. What we experience about everything is purely our own. Sure other people may prompt scenarios that we engage with, but our interaction, interpretation, or judgment of that scenario is a reflection of ourselves.

I want to pose the same question to you: What if who you are today isn’t who you’re meant to be? Have you given yourself space to be yourself?

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