Afraid What People Are Going To Think?

It’s a shame that so many of our hopes, dreams, and ideas for a better life die before they even get the chance to sprout. In some cases it’s due to low self-belief, in others it’s because of circumstances, but in most cases it’s something else entirely - being afraid of what other people are going to think.

We are so resistant to putting ourselves out there because we fear the judgment, criticism, and mockery we’re going to face if we make the wrong decision or try our best and it's not good enough. If you feel that yourself, it’s not your fault. 

Evolutionarily we are wired to care what other people think about us. When we conform to what’s expected of us, we’re seen as a part of the group and when we’re in a group, it’s more likely that we’ll be able to ensure our safety and survival in challenging situations. 

But that’s an out of place model. We tell ourselves that we don’t care what strangers think, and we want to believe it. But what about for the people who are important to us, who do have an impact on us, whose opinion we do care about?

I feel like that’s the real fear to overcome. You’re not worried about what someone random from your past is going to say about you, you’re worried about what the people who are closest to you think. There are few things we covet like our closest relationships and doing anything that puts them at risk is very unappealing.

So I want you to think about the big change you’re thinking about making. It could be professionally in your career, moving things forward with the person you’re dating, thinking about moving towns or big changes you’re considering making in your personal life … 

And then think about whose opinion you’re most concerned with? Whose approval or blessing would validate your decision? Understanding that will get you to the heart of what’s actually holding you back.

There’s an unspoken social dynamic at play between you and that person. Ultimately they want what’s best for you, but the problem is it’s actually that they want what they think is best for you. They perceive your life from their own worldview, and that’s the difference that creates an assumed disagreement. 

I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t care what people think… I’m arguing that you’re actually wired to. But also that you need to understand the nature of that influence so you can make the choices that are the best for you.

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