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September 7, 2023

“What if this is happening out of love?”

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I want to share a really powerful reframe. In our lives often there are things happening that are beyond our comprehension. Especially in the face of hardship or struggle, it’s hard to see the silver-lining or the good in the situation. And since it’s not natural to try and see things in a positive light, let me share a question you can ask that totally changes the way you relate with what’s happening around you.

What if this is happening out of love?

You’re fired from your job. What if this is happening out of love?

A family member falls ill. What if this is happening out of love?

Your car breaks down. What if this is happening out of love?

When you reflect on this simple question, what I find happens is it forces you to take a longer term view of the situation. It’s from this broader, more holistic perspective that we can see how difficult moments are actually serving us in the long run.

You’re fired from your job. Maybe that’s the universe helping you avoid a very negative situation. 

A family member falls ill. When they’ve recovered, now you have a new heightened appreciation for your time with them. 

Your car breaks down. Thank goodness it happened this time so that you learn what you need to do, because there are going to be much more dire circumstances that will be made easier by this experience.

Everything in life is the story we choose to tell about it. In order for us to make meaning of things, we create a story to connect the dots in a way that makes sense. The thing about this is that there are many, very different stories that can justify the same set of facts. 

So what I’m proposing is that you choose to tell the story that everything in your life is happening out of love. Because guess what happens when you do that? Your life becomes filled with it.

When we’re not intentional about the story we’re telling, our mind relies on our unconscious beliefs to fill in the blanks. Without intervention this leads to us seeing the world as “out to get us” or “harder than it needs to be”. 

Instead, we can be intentional and find the meaning that serves us and supports us, helping us to find peace in the events and circumstances around us with a genuine peace that it’s happening for a reason.

That’s what’s evident in the examples I provided. Getting fired could be seen as unfairly inconveniencing you, or protecting you. A family member getting sick could be a curse or a blessing. Your car breaking down could be frustrating or a necessary learning moment.

It’s not going to be your organic response at first, but I encourage you to try it out just once. The next time your receive bad news or something doesn’t go according to plan, ask yourself this question - “What if this is happening out of love?”

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