The Only Three Things You Can Do To Manage Stress

I recently came across a popular stress management model that I wanted to share with you. Life will keep on happening to you and there’s only so many things you can do in response to it. In fact, there are only 3 and it’s called the CIA model.

The C stands for ‘Control’. The one thing that you are entirely in control of are the things that you do internally. You can control what you think, what plans you make, or how to respond to a situation. Just because something can be controlled doesn’t mean it’s easy to control, but ultimately you have the power within you to fully decide what happens. 

When people talk about controlling the controllables, this is what they’re referring to. It helps to manage stress when you realize that something is beyond your control and there are factors outside of you that are causing something to be a certain way. 

The I stands for ‘Influence’. You play your part and contribute to how most things go. Moments are co-created among people and their interactions with systems, institutions, and the environment. You are one of many contributing forces to a given mechanism. While it might seem like there’s nothing you can do to change a situation, do not neglect to believe that you can influence it. What you can’t do is expect a certain outcome from something that you’ve invested yourself into. 

You can’t guarantee your favorite candidate wins an election, but you can influence the count by advocating and voting. You can’t guarantee that you’ll lose weight, but you can influence what happens by making good choices and setting better boundaries. There’s a connection between cause and effect that you get to be a part of. There are forces that determine how things transpire and you can contribute some version of raw inputs that get incorporated into the calculation.

The A stands for ‘Accept’. This is the hardest one to do because it suggests that there’s nothing you can do to change what happens. These things are beyond your sphere of influence. If you can influence the inputs then you must accept the outputs. Acceptance isn’t a point of weakness or a concession in any way. It’s a sign of strength that you have the discernment to invest your time and energy in the things you can actually do something about. Preoccupation, worry, or disappointment in something that you can’t control or influence is energy wasted.

The Serenity Prayer embodies this CIA Model to stress management: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” It lists it out plainly: Control, influence, accept.

Now given these 3 perspectives, know that they don’t exist completely independently. There are elements of each embedded in everything we do. The goal is to apply the right ones in the right ways so that you can create more peace in your life.

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