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February 23, 2020

Do You Want More People To Like You?

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One thing that we all share as humans is we desperately want to be liked. The extent and level of this varies person to person, but it is a core human need. Remember, in Maslow‘s hierarchy of needs “Love and Belonging” is the first need after our physical needs of food, water, and safety.

So, of course we want people to like us! It’s important to acknowledge that because the more you resist it, the more it will resist you.

It’s one of those things that is simple but not easy. If you want more people to like you, you need to like them more! This conclusion has been consistent among a few books I’ve read. The book, Captivate, by Vanessa Van Edwards talks about how we pick up on each other’s non-verbal cues, and by leaning in during a conversation, it builds an unspoken rapport with your conversational partner. The book, Presuasion, by Robert Cialdini talks about the principle of reciprocity, and how if you create a culture of something it will be returned. Then, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey talks about empathic listening, and seeking first to understand before being understood.

At the core of this is one of my favorite quotes from David Meltzer that summarizes the thought. "Be more interested than interesting".

Each one of us is the center of our own world, and to truly connect with someone you need to enter their world! Who’s the kind of person that they would want to like? Probably a person that thinks highly of them and likes them already.

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