Hold Back Your Initial Judgment

Two times last week I noticed myself getting frustrated over the same thing. I was taking calls with people offering my support with the intention to be helpful. These were calls I didn’t need to accommodate... And was doing it as a favor and benefit for the other person. In both cases, two different people showed up to the call with poor cell service while taking the call on-the-go in their car.

Initially I felt like my time was being disrespected. I dedicated a portion of my day to support them and they didn’t have the decency to plan well enough to make the most of the time on their end. 

Fortunately, the frustration didn’t last long. Instead of carrying this negative energy into the conversation, I accepted the conditions and chose to be of service and generously share whatever I could. And I’m so glad I did. In both cases, these individuals gave deeply personal, vulnerable updates on their life situations that more than explained why they had to take the call from their car.

It was a reminder to hold back your initial judgment. Our engrained response-system acts virtually instantaneously. Daniel Kahneman calls it “fast-thinking” where we immediately process any stimulus we’re faced with, seek to understand what it means, and produce a response to it. It’s hardwired into our evolution because In threatening situations, the difference between life and death is our ability to act fast.

One of the main factors that goes into our “fast thinking” is our ego. It’s part of what’s ingrained in us to achieve self-preservation. But our ego often influences us to respond in ways we don’t want to because it gets easily agitated by the actions of other people. In an effort to maintain our own self-image, it finds fault in others to make us feel better about ourselves.

That’s exactly what my ego did in this situation. It immediately caused me to feel offended by their choices, attacked by their rudeness, and wanting to belittle their character. It all happened unconsciously, and I’m grateful that I’ve done enough inner work to quickly identify what happened and consciously choose a different response that aligns with the person I want to be.

It’s easier said than done, but try to hold back your initial judgment because it’s often being fueled by your ego. Give yourself time to process what’s happening and determine how you want to show up versus how your mind is telling you to. I’ve found that meditation has been a really helpful tool for quieting the impulses of the ego so that you can select a more thoughtful response. That, and reflecting on moments where you feel triggered to create an awareness of the conditions around it, so that you’re more likely to recognize those conditions the next time you’re in them.