Today I’m going to let you in on a secret, but this secret is different because it’s important that everyone knows about it! In the years I’ve spent reading personal development books, listening to podcasts, having conversations with industry leaders, and experimenting on myself, I believe I’ve learned the secret to success. The #1, fundamental, most important thing you need to do to be successful… is to define success for yourself.

You will fail to be successful until you know what success means uniquely to you. And I’m guilty of being on the wrong side of this. I looked around me to see what others were doing, comparing myself and my path to theirs, molding my interests and habits around those of others in pursuit of being successful. I know I’m not alone in this, but what that does is it forces you to start living by the expectations of other people, and judging yourself when you fail to meet them.

You don’t need to wake up at 6am, meditate, exercise, and journal in your first hour every day if that’s not right for you. You don’t need to make a lot of money, drive a fancy car or have a lot of Instagram followers to live a life that’s meaningful. Attaining all of those things and being "that" person has consequences, and perhaps you’re sacrificing things that are more important to you in order to feel better about doing the things you think others are expecting of you. Living that way actually pushes you further from being successful because you’re not living in alignment with your values, interests, dreams and desires.

Only you can define what’s meaningful to you, only you can define what success is for yourself, and that’s why the secret to success, that most people don’t know, is simply knowing what you authentically want. It’s not an easy task, but it's one of the most important you're ever going to do, and at least now you have the next thing to figure out to start being more successful.

I want to present a mindset shift, and if you embrace it you’ll feel liberated and empowered to make positive change. It doesn’t always make logical sense, but there’s an underlying choice in it that is powerful when harnessed. 

You are more responsible for your life than you think.

The common factor built into all of the circumstances you encounter, environments you step into, and opportunities you’re exposed to… is you. Even if it doesn’t feel like you had any part in the happenings around you, the fact you’re a part of it means that you are in many ways responsible for it.

This is a good thing, because when things are in your control you can do about something it. Of course, there are many things in your life that are out of your control, but knowing that there are elements of those things that you do control, that you are responsible for, allows you to mold the things around you in a certain way.

For example, maybe at work you don’t feel respected. Your boss subtly undermines you and your colleagues don’t take you seriously. Their behavior is out of your control, but what is in your control is the energy you put off that influences the way they choose to behave. In understanding that, you realize that you actually are more responsible for the way others treat you than you think. 

Or let’s say you were relying on a partner or roommate to do a chore, say take out the trash, and they don’t. Are there other things you could have done to remind them to do the chore? Absolutely! You could have further manipulated the outcome because indirectly the outcome did rely on your own behavior, not just there’s.

So when things happen in life, as they always do, challenge yourself to be responsible for why that happened. Get uncomfortable, consider alternatives, and see your responsibility in the issue. You just might be able to fix things you thought were “out of your control” faster than you expected.

Today I’m drawing inspiration from Commander Mark Divine. Commander Divine is one of the toughest men alive as a Navy seal, but he pairs that willpower with an incredible spiritual awareness. He knows the mind's power to influence reality, and during the difficult times he experienced in Navy Seal Training and beyond, he chanted this quote to himself as a pick me up - “I’m feeling good, I’m looking good, I oughta be in Hollywood.”

Commander Divine understands something about our psychology that I want to elaborate on today, which is the difference between your external and internal environment. The hours of calisthenics and physical punishment he endured were all out of his control, and they certainly placed an incredible demand on his body. But he controlled the story he was telling himself to make everything more manageable.

When you feed your brain with positive messaging, you tell it what to think. It is then primed to structure everything you’re exposed to within that positive frame of reference you’ve created, assimilating new information in a way that is consistent with your positive thought patterns.

While we don’t have to overcome the same challenges Commander Divine did in his training, we do come across stimuli in our environment that we choose to relate with. If something feels like it’s challenging you, convince yourself differently. If something is uncomfortable, give that feeling meaning by acknowledging how it’s generating personal growth. You can pick the story you tell yourself about your situation, just like Commander Divine did, and you’ll begin to better control your emotions, circumstances, and perceptions.

And the next time you’re tired during a workout, repeat this to yourself and you’ll know what I mean - “I’m feeling good, I’m looking good, I oughta be in Hollywood.”

This might sound like bad advice, and maybe it is, that’s for you to judge. Nonetheless I want to encourage you to be wrong more often. I already know what you’re thinking - Isn’t being wrong a bad thing? The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it shows that you’re not quite where you thought you were in your understanding of something. But more importantly, no, being wrong is not always a bad thing. In fact it’s often not a bad thing.

First being wrong means you’re putting yourself out there. You’re stepping into uncomfortable territory and acting boldly and decisively in it. I’m not inviting you to be out of place, but sometimes a little confidence in times of doubt can go a long way. With that perspective, being wrong is not entirely a bad thing because it demonstrates your intent to be right in big and new ways.

Then second, believe it or not “being wrong” is subjective for many people. And that means that not everyone is willing to admit that they were wrong. This is because they want to protect themselves from the emotional and relational consequences of it, so they simply don’t expose themselves to the possibility of being wrong. However, when you do accept that you were wrong, it means you’re open-minded and open to feedback. You’re not the person that refuses to admit they’re wrong even when it’s clear they are, and therefore you benefit from the experience and use the error to learn.

The summary is - Being wrong can actually be a good thing because it represents your intent to put yourself out there and remain open to learning and growing. For that reason, if it really is a good thing, I invite you to be wrong more often.

I want to make a distinction between the two ways we’re perceived in this world, and with that awareness begin to understand how we can better become the person we want to be. There are two things to consider. First is your character - The virtues and values you hold in your life. And there’s your reputation - The way others think about those virtues and values.

It may be clear already, but the difference between the two are whether you're acknowledging an internal or external perception. What’s internal is within your control, and what’s external is not, meaning that your character is not your reputation, and that the way you do things will be received differently by others that it is by yourself.

People can misinterpret your character because they don’t know your intentions. You can do your best to communicate your intentions, but when that information is received by someone else it gets filtered through their own frame of reference and perspective. Now when someone’s character is out of alignment they can try to fake it, and create a false reputation so that others think differently about them. But that deception is near impossible to keep up, and eventually it will cost them.

To really understand your character I ask you one question - “What do you do when no one else is looking, and no one else will know?” In those instances there’s nowhere to hide, and you face off with who you are at your core. Do you chase down your trash when it’s blown away? Do you practice self-compassion? Do you undo the minor mistakes you make? There’s a lot to be learned about each of our own character, take the time to probe, but don’t get too preoccupied in your reputation.

As you may know by now, I am very purpose-driven. I’m in a fortunate position where I can put my efforts into things that I really believe in. As one speck on one planet in one of billions of galaxies, I am very aware that there is something larger going on than what exists within myself, and in order to tap into that I turn to purpose.

Purpose is that heartwarming feeling you get when you hold a child or nephew who depends on you. It’s the rush you get when you connect the dots on something that will impact a lot of people. It’s the buzz you feel when you see someone’s smile after having helped them with something. It's no accident, we experience these positive sensations because we are evolutionarily designed to be rewarded by connecting with purpose.

The amazing part about discovering your purpose is it is unique to every single person. Everyone finds meaning on their own given their own life history, the situations they’ve encountered, and the lessons they’ve learned. However it is often difficult to communicate about purpose because it is so visceral, and as a result it’s not something we share about as often as we should.

Well that’s where I think things need to change. In order to connect to purpose, we need to connect with other people navigating their own purpose journey. Learning about their experience helps us relate to our own. Visit www.forpurpose.com to surround yourself with change-makers all dedicated to making the world a better place!

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Recently I heard a term that I thought was really funny, and all too accurate, and I wanted to share it with you. It relates to the biggest issue people have with personal development, which is how easy it is to say it’s a priority but how hard it is to actually practice it consistently.

Sometimes, instead of these resources being true sources of growth and development through self-help, they become shelf-help. They’re the books and magazines that are really good at collecting dust and not so good at teaching you the lessons inside their pages. We’ve all been there where we feel motivated to buy a new book but never get around to reading it.That’s shelf-help.

But more broadly, I think this thought also comments on the importance of being an active participant in your self-growth. The learnings, lessons, and perspectives you’re seeking can only be incorporated when you put effort into educating yourself. It’s not the idea of trying new things that helps you grow, it’s the doing and experiencing it. It’s not the purchase of a book, podcast, or course that helps you create the life you desire, it’s implementing the practices and techniques into your own life. That’s the core difference between self-help and shelf-help - It’s using the resources you have access to versus merely having access to them.

Accessing resources doesn't need to be huge. As you know some short form content on a daily basis will serve you just fine! Reading a book summary gives you the general gist. It’s doing something, anything, that allows you to truly pursue your personal development.

You should be proud of yourself, and I want you to feel proud of yourself, because you really do deserve it. You are doing some many things right. I’m sure you’ve navigated difficult situations, had your ethics and morals tested, made a mistake you had to make up for, offered really good ideas, and adjusted to major changes in your life. You’ve been through all of that and made it out the other side to get to this moment.

You have been there for yourself every step of the way. Of course, with phases and periods where things weren’t so good, and maybe they still don’t feel like they are, but all of your experiences have made you uniquely trained to offer a certain perspective that the world needs.

Have you failed and failed big? Good! That means you’re trying, and it’s the only thing you can do. So much is out of your control, but your effort and intentions are not, so measure yourself on those and be proud of how you’ve applied yourself.

I was having an issue with this myself so in my evening routine I added one simple practice - To write one sentence about something I did that day that I am proud of. When you’re forced to sit down and think about it, you’ll realize how much you actually do, the grace you have in handling certain situations, the ways you act within your integrity, and you’ll become more aware of reasons to be proud more often.

“Be proud of yourself and everything you are.” You’ve proven it time and again, and I hope you’re starting to believe it.

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